Ocean's Zero

Theft's actually a big problem in the construction business. When you think about it, it actually makes sense. When I see someone carrying something of importance or value on the job, my first thought isn't 'is he stealing that?' No, my first thought is 'where is he installing that,' followed quickly by why the hell hasn't he installed it earlier.

Usually it's small stuff, door handles or showerheads, things someone can easily slip into a pocket or a tool box without anyone notice. But even those aren't cheap. I was astounding when on my last job, I had to call our project manger to tell him that a couple doors were missing knobs (although we can't use knobs anymore. Apparently they discriminate agianst people with hand disabilities. So now everything must be lever handles. Look anywhere that's not a residential place. You'll quickly notice there are no knobs). But anyway I told him we were a few handles short and could he order up you know, a couple more.

"Do you know how much those handles cost?" He asked, probably rhetorically, because he knows I'm an idiot.

"Nope. Not at all. Fifty bucks?"

"Try $500."

So you see, even small things gone missing are a big deal. Which is why I knew I was in trouble when my boss told me he needed to speak to me about our towel racks.

See for the past month I took up residence in a rooms that was one part my office and twenty parts storage for an array of shit we were putting in the job: door handles, toilets, showerheads, you name it, people were storing it in my office. Well they were storing it in their storage space. But I did have a desk in a corner. Last week, we noticed that we were missing three towel racks. Towel racks that cost $1300 a piece.

We met in an suite on the ninth floor.

"David, you know the towel racks we're missing, I still haven't been able to find them ."

"Okay," I shrugged. "I told you earlier I counted them last week. We had all of them, remember."

"Yea, I know, I counted them two weeks ago and they were there. But it's been a few days and they haven't turned up. Look, this wouldn't be a problem, but those things are so damn expensive."

"I really don't know."

"Well the big boss wanted me to talk to you. You have a key to that room and he thinks you're pretty careless and probably left the door open or let someone in that shouldn't have been in there."

"How many people have a key to that room."

"Ten."

"But he doesn't think anyone else could have been responsible."

"Look, David, we're not saying your responsible, but this is a big fuck up."

Are you sure that's not what you're saying? "I'm serious, I don't know."

"Well he wants to have a talk with you later, so just, be ready."

This normally would have brought about pure fear, he's a scary dude, but as of late he'd been literally ignoring me, due to a series of gaffes he'd deemed unacceptable. Or more accurately, gaffes he told my boss to tell me they were unacceptable. So at least he finally wanted to talk to me. But this talk would peobably consist of him accusing me of theft and firing me.

Three hours passed. What the fuck is going on? I was sweating, fretting, sort of somewhat planning a vacation. I debated Paris. I sweated more. Another hour passed. My phone rang.

"David, can you come down to the office."

It was time. I paced in front of the office door for a minute, took a breath and opened it.

Just my boss was there.

"Where's uhh, I thought he wanted to talk to me."

My boss started laughing. "Look I just wanted to make you sweat. I found those things this morning. Someone moved them to our other lock up. But seriously David, you do need to be more careful. I hope this was a wake up call."

Geee. I appreciate that. Keep checking your mailbox for my thank you card. I'm sure it's on it's way.